Le monde a ma hauteur

My first experience of motherhood was rather rough. A little girl born one month before term, « it is all right madam, she is doing well ». She is doing well… She cries all the time, is that normal? Sure, sure, a baby will cry. And you know, these new moms… They pass on a lot of their anxieties to their babies (knowing wink).

But this baby, whom I cannot even get myself to call « my daughter », she really cries all the time. She spends her life at my breast, writhes in pain, suckles, writhes in pain. I call la Leche League, I shun dairy products… Nothing changes. I exclude from my meals all sensitive food, still to no avail. I get reassured « you know, colics last three months at worst ».

No, these colics lasted eight months. Eight months despairing to have given birth to this poor baby, she suffers so much. Eight months without going out except to drag the buggy endlessly with a baby who screams for a full quarter of an hour before falling asleep for hardly 40 minutes. Eight depressing months not feeling like a good mother.

This baby even after the eight months seems so different from the other ones. She sleeps very little, day and night. She seems constantly in alert and wants to see the world from my arms. She watches everything with incredible intensity. And she starts talking at eight months precisely. She is soon able to ask questions about anything, and at the age of three has existential questions we find ourselves unable to answer. This baby, in a nutshell, is a high-potential child.

catching up on lost time

During my second pregnancy I do not want to go through this exhaustion again, this feeling of utter helplessness. I make enquiries , I start seeing pictures of babies carried in wraparound carriers. But no, that is not for me. I have a recollection of a newborn all slumped in a wrap at a la Leche League meeting, this is not safe, this is not supportive.

And yet, the accounts on the attachment parenting websites all seem to say the contrary. The idea is growing on me. They all look so peaceful, so happy, so relaxed… not only the carried babies, but the parents! I enquire further. I buy a 20 euro wrap on a bidding website, after all, 80 euros for a piece of fabric, these manufacturers are out of their mind! I have no idea that I will soon change my mind…

On my son’s birth, I do not dare take the plunge. On our return home, my husband tries his luck on an evening of cries. We go out to get some fresh air, and our son (hang on, the word comes so quickly this time, « our son, our baby ») falls asleep within a few seconds. Three hours later he wakes up, totally relaxed. I launch into it the next day and it is love at first sight. For the wrap and for my baby!! He is so incredibly light, and he is there, on my heart, soft and warm, nestled, peaceful, he stops crying so fast and we both feel so good.

dad-and-baby time

This baby too is a colicky baby. Plus an ear infection baby, 28 in 18 months! And yet nothing goes really wrong. As soon as he is in pain we get him on our chest, in the wrap, he is soothed, he falls asleep. Then he stays awake for longer periods of time, he too wants to see the world from above. Except that I do not bear him a grudge as I did for his older sister, because my arms, my back, my shoulders do not make me suffer at all. On the contrary, I enjoy as much as he does these long walks that we take together, I feel light, active, sociable, we go and see people, he chats with the bystanders…

His dad enjoys it too, intensely. He gets home from work at 6.30 p.m., puts on the wrap, grabs the little guy, and away they go for an hour or two of exclusive dad-and-baby time. By the look of their smile when they return, they both get a kick out of it.

This baby too talks early, even earlier than his sister. He too is a high needs baby. But his needs are met. He quickly demands less and less attention, less babywearing. He is spreading his wings. He keeps himself occupied for hours. He goes to play with friends happily, does very well without me.

We move to Paris. The wrap gets swapped for an ergonomical carrier which enables me to meet his need for up-and-down. So handy in the tube, the tramway, the bus, the train. He walks for increasing lengths of time, and weans himself off the carrier of his own initiative. I have not made him autonomous… He is standing on his own two feet by his own will.

reassuring baby before head surgery